Forever a Ugandan

Wow. It's actually here. Time to leave.

I can’t believe that week 12 is already here and that I’ve been in the country for 3 months now. This overwhelming realization has caused me to reflect and anticipate/dread what awaits me in the U.S. I’ve been getting emails and messages from home asking me if I’m excited to come back and that my friends and family all await my return. I am definitely excited to see my family and friends again and get back into the swing of normal life, but at the same time I’m absolutely dreading the thought of being in America. I guess it’s not so much the fact that I'll be in America, but more that I hate the fact that I won’t be in Africa. Life is so simple here. Everything is so, so simple. I never have to worry about what I look like or smell like. I roll out of bed, not having showered for a week and head out into town just like I do everyday. The thought of spending more than 15 minutes on my personal appearance seems like an absurdity. It really bothers me knowing that I will have to re-conform to take the time for myself to look "nice." I know I have a ridiculous amount of clothing at home waiting for my return, yet, why do I have so much when people here wear the same clothing everyday and are beyond grateful to have it? I've worn the same five skirts everyday for 3 months and I love it. Style doesn’t matter. Who says it needs to? I’m not ready for that to be imposed on me again but I know I need to prepare for this mentality change. For starters, I’m NOT excited to see white people again. Mbale is not a touristy location so seeing white people is a rarity. We were the first Mzungu (white) group to get to Mbale this summer so we had all sorts of people running up to us when we first arrived. In a way, I feel very protective of Mbale and the people, so I feel weird when we see the occasional Mzungu foreigner. When I went to Jinja, a more touristy city, I really struggled with seeing other mzungus. I REALLY didn’t like it. I was treated like a tourist and I hated it. The people tried to swindle me when I know quite well what typical Ugandan prices are and what is a mzungu price. I wanted to yell, “I’m not a tourist! I live here...I am a Ugandan!” The people in downtown Mbale know me now and don’t really try to swindle me like they tried to originally. I know their tricks. I know--I’m a Ugandan. Although my accent is too thick to understand and I’m fluorescent white, I am one of these people. I too, am an Ugandan. I have friends here, I go to the market here, I know the shop owners and boda drivers. I can speak their language (to an extent) and can communicate decently now. They all know me and call me by name when they see me around town. Most importantly, they love me. Love, not just in the way that you say that you love people in broad terms, but REALLY REALLY love. They hug me and squeeze me tight and tell me how much they love me. I don’t feel worthy of such sheer love and selflessness. They treat me like royalty, not just the first time we met but every time we reunite. Why can't we as other human beings to love like they do? It is unlike anywhere I've ever been or will ever go. These people have taught me so much about what love is. They have shown me how to be better a human being and go forward with a warm heart towards others. I hope I can always remember these lessons they have taught me.

My friends at the local internet cafe! The best milkshakes in Uganda!

My good friend Sarah at the cafe

This past week, I began saying my goodbyes and it's been a lot harder than I expected. It's really starting to hit me that I may never see some of these people again, or a very long time at least. I went up to the village on Monday and stayed until early Tuesday morning. Monday I taught a women's health lesson to a group of community health educators that will be assisting the community with understanding health problems. I actually got to teach the class from within the clinic!! That was so great! I'm glad I got to see it completed before I leave. That was a success in itself. I brought all the children pencils from the U.S. and distributed them in class. They were all so happy to have writing utensils--something they don't have except for a few 1-inch tiny little pencils that have been completely used up. I gave a little speech about working hard and that I would come back to check up on them in a few years. I made them all promise that they would use the pencils to learn to become better writers and English speakers.

All of the children with their new pencils with the teachers. We love pencils!!

With the headmistress of the school in the village that we helped complete

I had to get up early Tuesday morning and head to a meeting with the District Health Officer and I had to begin my long series of goodbyes. The first came when I left the house of  Timothy "Papa" and Sarah. They have been like parents to me in the village. They don't speak English very well but they love me like my own parents. Sarah will just sit and hug me for hours if I'd let her and "Papa" as I call him, is so sweet and giving. He has let us stay in his home every week since we've been here and their home really has been a second home to me. They have given all they have to feed us, allowed us to nail holes in their walls to hang our mosquito nets and help us in every way possible. When we ran out of funds to pay for labor on the clinic, Papa was out there digging and laying bricks. He is such a selfless man. The morning I left, I snuck out the back as to not wake the rest of the house, but Papa stopped me before I left. One of our partners, Tabby, had to translate for him. He wished me a safe flight back to America and asked me to remember them. He said, "You will always have friends here in Bunabuyoka and we will greatly miss you." The last part was what was most heart-wrenching. He said, "I have nothing to give you but a blessing that God will bless you as you have blessed us." The only thing he could say in English was "Thank you." He then took my hand and just smiled with the biggest, sweetest smile. I promised I'd be seeing them in a few years when I return and he just said, "Wanyala, Wanyala." (Thank you, Thank you).

All of my children were walking to school as the sun was coming up over the mountains and I took the chance to hug them and say goodbye before I was off to the meeting. MY little girl, Winnie, who is in most of my pictures, came to me and I crouched down to explain that I was leaving. Not that I was leaving the village again but going to the U.S. for a few years. I promised her that I would return and that I love her lots! She grabbed me tight around the neck and wouldn't let me go for a good minute or so. I had to peel her off of me and that's when I realized how hard leaving would be.

Dancing with the children one last night before I left to say goodbye.

The next day I went to say goodbye to the Naboa clinic that I volunteer at every week. They have been so willing to teach me and allow me to practice on patients. I know that any doctor in the U.S.  never would have let me practice on patients, but that is one upside to being white in Africa--they trust me to do everything. Joel was the Lab Assistant and Olive was the Lab Tech that taught me how to do malaria and HIV testing. Sarah was the nurse who allowed me to help with administering treatments to patients. They all asked me to return as a doctor after I finish school and I told them I'd do my best to come see them when return!

Malaria Testing at the Naboa Clinic

I said goodbye to Grace at the Child of Hope sick bed on Friday. Fortunately, there were no sick kids that day so we just got to sit and chat and play with her granddaughter, Gift. I have been working with Grace since the very beginning and she is the sweetest, loving woman who took the time to explain treatment and diagnosis of the children. She would even have sick children wait for me until 10am every Friday just so that I would get the chance to learn from all the various ailments and treatments. I will definitely miss her cheerful smile every Friday morning.

Grace and I on my last day assisting at the sick bed.

Playing with Grace and Gift

Saturday was a day that didn't require goodbyes, fortunately. Our team held a day of free HIV testing and I was the honorary HELP volunteer who was trained and apt to perform this test after my experience at the Naboa clinic. I even got to test some of my fellow volunteers. Out of 300 tested, sadly we had 12 that tested positive. We had counseling and treatment options waiting for the patients after all were tested. I was grateful for that wonderful chance to help increase awareness although mere days from leaving.

Sunday was pretty difficult. I had been asked to speak as part of the Sacrament Meeting program at church, seeing as it was my last Sunday. I will miss those people so much. Probably more than anyone else I've met in the past three months. These people are so incredibly humble and kind and have showed me what true discipleship is. They may not know the Mormon culture, or much doctrine of our church, but they know love and service. I've never seen a group of people so dedicated and willing to do whatever God asked of them. It has been the most humbling experience to see these people grow, even in the span of 12 weeks. I said goodbye to Dinah, a fifteen-year old girl who I've become so close with. She has been struggling with many items that I never had to face as a teenager. Life here is incredibly difficult for the youth but they are so strong. She gave me a trinket to remember her by and I gave her all of my skirts to share with her sister, Esther. Their family is amazing and I will miss them so much. Yassin has also been attending church with us over the past 3 weeks and meeting with the missionaries! He wanted to say goodbye one last time and he gave me a few gifts to remember him by. He was there the first week I got to Mbale and he's been one of the cutest, little friends I will ever have. I will miss him lots too.

Me with Yassin and his friends at church!

My friend Tyra at church

Love this kiddo!

My friend Elly

The church's newest elders to depart this year! Tyrel and Emma have become some of my closest friends this year. Such great, faithful boys.

Dinah and Esther Butali

Dinah is one of the sweetest girls! I'll miss her

The whole crew at church!

My good friend Bernard saying goodbye on my last day in Mbale.

I spent Monday at CURE Hospital helping with procedures and transcribing for the doctors as they did examinations and diagnoses. We didn't work together as much as I did with other clinics and projects but I still really loved the experience. I have been pondering my life goals and what I want to do so much more now that I have had these opportunities. I have such a clearer picture of what I want to do in my life and coming to the realization that I have the chance to do it. I know that medicine is what my passion is and that I'm meant to do it. I love it. I have never felt so compelled to pursue a career until now. This was exactly what I needed to motivate myself through my last year at BYU and preparing for a future in this field. It won't be easy but it will be incredibly rewarding, and there's nothing I'd rather do.

Today, I said goodbye to CFA as we met to discuss the future of the clinic. They've been great although we've had a long road of trying  to construct and establish this clinic. I know they'll continue to work to make it last! This clinic has been my baby and I have poured my whole soul into it this summer. I love the opportunity I had to create it and I know without a doubt that I'll return to check on it and work after I finish my graduate work. There is nothing quite has indispensable as health care and I know that these people are more than deserving of it.

I'm so grateful for my wonderful team who spent hours with me pouring cement and hauling rocks and sand to make our clinic. I have honestly made some of the best friends in my life and will always remember the wonderful example of service and love they were to me. We have really become a family and the thought of not seeing these people everyday breaks my heart. We've shared the most hysterical moments that will be remembered, quoted and shared forever. I love them and will miss them so much. We had the best team, the best home and best the summer.

My last night and our cook, Sam, made chicken curry at my request. Love this gourmet food-makin' dancin' fool!

I want to thank everyone who kept up with my blog this summer. I truly have the most amazing people in my life who supported me in my endeavors to come on this adventure. I know that I have been changed because of the little experiences throughout the past three months and know that none would have been possible without the support and encouragement of my family and friends. Life is just an accumulation of our experiences and I'd say my life is pretty dang awesome because of those I've met and the moments I've shared with them. This isn't goodbye forever but it is definitely a sad goodbye for now. As much as I look forward to a slice of pizza or a Taco Bell Crunchwrap Supreme, none of it quite compares to the beans, rice and chapati that has become my favorite food this summer. I would like to thank the makers of Cliff Bar who gave me sustenance when I couldn't bare the thought of posho and matoke again. I'd like to thank the inventors of baby wipes, without whom I would be a smelly mess on most days. Also, to Cadbury for providing me with a ugandan version of chocolate hope... when life needed an extra boost.

It is apparent how much our Heavenly Father loves these incredible people. It's been testified to me how special and blessed they are. They are happy despite the most difficult situations and continue to be optimistic even when their circumstances seem bleak. They are such examples to me. This has been the best summer of my life. I love the people, the culture, the amazing people I've been able to serve with. Regardless of my skin color and upbringing, I am forever a Ugandan. I am one of them and that will never change. Thank you for reading and keeping up with me. I won't be quite the avid blogger after this trip but I'll post periodically when I can. I'll try and do one last post when I get home to give a comparative analysis of the two cultures and acclimating back to an American lifestyle. What an amazing summer. Yet, I know there are far more adventures to come. Thank you for your love!

Ash